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Tom Webster edited this page Dec 7, 2012 · 9 revisions

This page is to give people an easy text-only listing of the cards involved.

If you would like a JSON format of the list, go here.

Base 'Cards Against Humanity' Game

Black Cards (Questions)

  • _? There's an app for that.
  • Why can't I sleep at night?
  • What's that smell?
  • I got 99 problems but _ ain't one.
  • Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's _.
  • What's the next Happy Meal® toy?
  • Anthropologists have recently discovered a primitive tribe that worships _.
  • It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with _.
  • During Picasso's often-overlooked Brown Period, he produced hundreds of paintings of _.
  • Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of _.
  • And the Academy Award for _ goes to _.
  • What's that sound?
  • What ended my last relationship?
  • MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with _.
  • I drink to forget _.
  • I'm sorry professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of _.
  • What is Batman's guilty pleasure?
  • This is the way the world ends \ This is the way the world ends \ Not with a bang but with _.
  • What's a girl's best friend?
  • TSA guidelines now prohibit _ on airplanes.
  • _. That's how I want to die.
  • For my next trick, I will pull _ out of _.
  • In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with _ for the first time.
  • _ is a slippery slope that leads to _.
  • What does Dick Cheney prefer?
  • Dear Abby, I'm having some trouble with _ and would like your advice.
  • Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children _.
  • What's the most emo?
  • In 1,000 years when paper money is but a distant memory, _ will be our currency.
  • What's the next superhero/sidekick duo?
  • In M. Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that _ had really been _ all along.
  • A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without _.
  • _. Becha can't have just one!
  • White people like _.
  • _. High five, bro.
  • Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of _.
  • BILLY MAYS HERE FOR _.
  • In a world ravaged by _, our only solace is _.
  • War! What is it good for?
  • During sex, I like to think about _.
  • What are my parents hiding from me?
  • What will always get you laid?
  • In L.A. County Jail, word is you can trade 200 cigarettes for _.
  • What did I bring back from Mexico?
  • What don't you want to find in your Chinese food?
  • What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard?
  • How am I maintaining my relationship status?
  • _. It's a trap!
  • Coming to Broadway this season, _: The Musical.
  • While the United States raced the Soviet Union to the moon, the Mexican government funneled millions of pesos into research on _.
  • After the earthquake, Sean Penn brought _ to the people of Haiti.
  • Next on ESPN2, the World Series of _.
  • Step 1: _. Step 2: _. Step 3: Profit.
  • Rumor has it that Vladimir Putin's favorite dish is _ stuffed with _.
  • But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you _.
  • What gives me uncontrollable gas?
  • What do old people smell like?
  • The class field trip was completely ruined by _.
  • When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of _.
  • What's my secret power?
  • What's there a ton of in heaven?
  • What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?
  • I never truly understood _ until I encountered _.
  • What did the U.S. airdrop to the children of Afghanistan?
  • What helps Obama unwind?
  • What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner?
  • _: good to the last drop.
  • Why am I sticky?
  • What gets better with age?
  • _: kid-tested, mother-approved.
  • What's the crustiest?
  • What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed?
  • Studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to _.
  • Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to _.
  • Make a haiku.
  • I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with _.
  • Why do I hurt all over?
  • What am I giving up for Lent?
  • In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about _.
  • In an attempt to reach a wider audience, the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has opened an interactive exhibit on _.
  • When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of _.
  • Lifetime® presents _, the story of _.
  • When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate _.
  • When I was tripping on acid, _ turned into _.
  • That's right, I killed _. How, you ask? _.
  • What's my anti-drug?
  • _ + _ = _.
  • What never fails to liven up the party?
  • What's the new fad diet?
  • Major League Baseball has banned _ for giving players an unfair advantage.

White Cards (Answers)

  • Flying sex snakes.
  • Michelle Obama's arms.
  • German dungeon porn.
  • White people.
  • Getting so angry that you pop a boner.
  • Tasteful sideboob.
  • Praying the gay away.
  • Two midgets shitting into a bucket.
  • MechaHitler.
  • Being a motherfucking sorcerer.
  • A disappointing birthday party.
  • Puppies!
  • A windmill full of corpses.
  • Guys who don't call.
  • Radially-biased SAT questions.
  • Dying.
  • Steven Hawking talking dirty.
  • Being on fire.
  • A lifetime of sadness.
  • An erection that lasts longer than four hours.
  • AIDS
  • Same-sex ice dancing.
  • Glenn Beck catching his scrotum on a curtain hook.
  • The Rapture.
  • Pterodactyl eggs.
  • Crippling debt.
  • Eugenics.
  • Exchanging pleasantries.
  • Dying of dysentery.
  • Roofies.
  • Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon.
  • The forbidden fruit.
  • Republicans
  • The Big Bang.
  • Anal beads.
  • Amputees.
  • Men.
  • Surprise sex!
  • Kim Jong-il.
  • Concealing a boner
  • Agriculture.
  • Glenn Beck being harried by a swarm of buzzards.
  • Making a pouty face.
  • A salty surprise.
  • The Jews.
  • Charisma.
  • YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.
  • Panda sex.
  • Taking off your shirt.
  • A drive-by shooting.
  • Ronald Reagan.
  • Morgan Freeman's voice.
  • Breaking out into song and dance.
  • Jewish fraternities.
  • Dead babies.
  • Masturbation.
  • Hormone injections.
  • All-you-can-eat shrimp for .99.
  • Incest.
  • Scalping.
  • Soup that is too hot.
  • The Übermensch.
  • Nazis.
  • Tom Cruise.
  • Stifling a giggle at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis.
  • Edible underpants.
  • The Hustle.
  • A Super Soaker™ full of cat pee.
  • Figgy pudding.
  • Object permanence.
  • Consultants.
  • Intelligent design.
  • Nocturnal emissions.
  • Uppercuts.
  • Being marginalized.
  • The profoundly handicapped.
  • Obesiity.
  • Chutzpah.
  • Unfathomable stupidity.
  • Repression.
  • Attitude.
  • Passable transvestites.
  • Party poopers.
  • The American Dream
  • Child beauty pageants.
  • Puberty.
  • Testicular torsion.
  • The folly of man.
  • Nickelback.
  • Swooping.
  • Goats eating cans.
  • The KKK.
  • Kamikaze pilots.
  • Horrifying laser hair removal accidents.
  • Adderall™.
  • A look-see.
  • Doing the right thing.
  • The taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge.
  • Lactation.
  • Pabst Blue Ribbon.
  • Powerful thighs.
  • Saxophone solos.
  • The gays.
  • A middle-aged man on roller skates.
  • A foul mouth.
  • The thing that electrocutes your abs.
  • Heteronormativity.
  • Cuddling.
  • Coat hanger abortions.
  • A big hoopla about nothing.
  • Boogers.
  • A hot mess.
  • Raptor attacks.
  • My collection of high-tech sex toys.
  • Fear itself.
  • Bees?
  • Getting drunk on mouthwash.
  • Sniffing glue.
  • Oversized lollipops.
  • An icepick lobotomy.
  • Being rich.
  • Friends with benefits.
  • Teaching a robot to love.
  • Women's suffrage.
  • Me time.
  • The heart of a child.
  • Smallpox blankets.
  • The clitoris.
  • John Wilkes Booth.
  • The glass ceiling.
  • Sarah Palin.
  • Sexy pillow fights.
  • Yeast.
  • Full frontal nudity.
  • Parting the Red Sea.
  • A Bop It™.
  • Michael Jackson.
  • Team-building exercises.
  • Harry Potter erotica.
  • Authentic Mexican cuisine.
  • Frolicking.
  • Sexting.
  • Grandma.
  • Not giving a shit about the Third World.
  • Licking things to claim them as your own.
  • Genghis Khan.
  • The hardworking Mexican.
  • RoboCop.
  • My relationship status.
  • Scrubbing under the folds.
  • Porn Stars.
  • Horse meat.
  • Sunshine and rainbows.
  • Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor.
  • Barack Obama.
  • Spontaneous human combustion.
  • Natural selection.
  • Mouth herpes.
  • Flash flooding.
  • Goblins.
  • A monkey smoking a cigar.
  • Spectacular abs.
  • A good sniff.
  • Wiping her butt.
  • The Three-Fifths compromise.
  • Pedophiles.
  • Doin' it in the butt.
  • Being fabulous.
  • Mathletes.
  • Wearing underwear inside-out to avoid doing laundry.
  • Nipple blades.
  • An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.
  • A bag of magic beans.
  • Vigorous jazz hands.
  • A defective condom.
  • Skeletor.
  • Vikings.
  • Leaving an awkward voicemail.
  • Teenage pregnancy.
  • Dead parents.
  • Hot cheese.
  • My sex life.
  • A mopey zoo lion.
  • Assless chaps.
  • Riding off into the sunset.
  • Lance Armstrong's missing testicle.
  • Sweet, sweet vengeance.
  • Genital piercings.
  • Keg stands.
  • Darth Vader.
  • Viagra®.
  • Necrophilia.
  • A really cool hat.
  • Toni Morrison's vagina.
  • An Oedipus complex.
  • The Tempur-Pedic® Swedish Sleep System™.
  • Preteens.
  • Dick fingers.
  • A cooler full of organs.
  • Shapeshifters.
  • The Care Bear Stare.
  • Erectile dysfunction.
  • Keanu Reeves.
  • The Virginia Tech Massacre.
  • The Underground Railroad.
  • The chronic.
  • Queefing.
  • Heartwarming orphans.
  • A thermonuclear detonation.
  • Cheating in the Special Olympics.
  • Tangled Slinkys.
  • A moment of silence.
  • Civilian casualties.
  • Catapults.
  • Sharing needles.
  • Ethnic cleansing.
  • Emotions.
  • Children on leashes.
  • Balls.
  • Homeless people.
  • Eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale.
  • Old-people smell.
  • Farting and walking away.
  • The inevitable heat death of the universe.
  • The violation of our most basic human rights.
  • Fingering.
  • The placenta.
  • The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • Leprosy.
  • Sperm whales.
  • Multiple stab wounds.
  • Flightless birds.
  • Grave robbing.
  • Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine®.
  • Oompa-Loompas.
  • A murder most foul.
  • Tentacle porn.
  • Daddy issues.
  • Bill Nye the Science Guy.
  • Peeing a little bit.
  • The miracle of childbirth.
  • "Tweeting."
  • Another goddamn vampire movie.
  • Britney Spears at 55.
  • New Age music.
  • The Make-A-Wish® Foundation.
  • Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog.
  • Active listening.
  • Nicolas Cage.
  • 72 virgins.
  • Stranger danger.
  • Hope.
  • A gassy antelope.
  • BATMAN!!!
  • Chivalry.
  • Passing a kidney stone.
  • Black people.
  • Natalie Portman.
  • A mime having a stroke.
  • Classist undertones.
  • Sean Penn.
  • A mating display.
  • The Holy Bible.
  • Hot Pockets®.
  • A sad handjob.
  • Pulling out.
  • Serfdom.
  • Pixelated bukkake.
  • Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up.
  • Jew-fros.
  • Waiting 'til marriage.
  • Euphoria™ by Calvin Klein.
  • The World of Warcraft.
  • Lunchables™.
  • The Kool-Aid Man.
  • The Trail of Tears.
  • Self-loathing.
  • A falcon with a cap on its head.
  • Historically black colleges.
  • Not reciprocating oral sex.
  • Global warming.
  • Ghosts.
  • World peace.
  • A can of whoop-ass.
  • The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.
  • A zesty breakfast burrito.
  • Switching to Geico®.
  • Aaron Burr.
  • Picking up girls at the abortion clinic.
  • Land mines.
  • Former President George W. Bush.
  • Geese.
  • Mutually-assured destruction.
  • College.
  • Date rape.
  • Bling.
  • A gentle caress of the inner thigh.
  • A time travel paradox.
  • Seppuku.
  • Poor life choices.
  • Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot.
  • Italians.
  • GoGurt®.
  • Finger painting.
  • Robert Downey, Jr.
  • My soul.
  • Smegma.
  • Embryonic stem cells.
  • The South.
  • Christopher Walken.
  • Gloryholes.
  • Pretending to care.
  • Public ridicule.
  • A tiny horse.
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  • A stray pube.
  • Jerking off into a pool of children's tears.
  • Child abuse.
  • Glenn Beck convulsively vomiting as a brood of crab spiders hatches in his brain and erupts from his tear ducts.
  • Menstruation.
  • A sassy black woman.
  • Re-gifting.
  • Penis envy.
  • A sausage festival.
  • Getting really high.
  • Drinking alone.
  • Too much hair gel.
  • Hulk Hogan.
  • Overcompensation.
  • Foreskin.
  • Free samples.
  • Shaquille O'Neal's acting career.
  • Five-Dollar Footlongs™.
  • Whipping it out.
  • A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.
  • Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him).
  • Half-assed foreplay.
  • Dental dams.
  • Being a dick to children.
  • Famine.
  • Chainsaws for hands.
  • A gypsy curse.
  • AXE Body Spray.
  • The Force.
  • Explosions.
  • Cybernetic enhancements.
  • Customer service representatives.
  • White privilege.
  • Gandhi.
  • Road head.
  • God.
  • Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes.
  • 8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin.
  • Judge Judy.
  • The Little Engine That Could.
  • Altar boys.
  • Mr. Clean, right behind you.
  • Vehicular manslaughter.
  • Dwarf tossing.
  • Friction.
  • Lady Gaga.
  • Scientology.
  • Justin Bieber.
  • A death ray.
  • Vigilante justice.
  • The Pope.
  • A sea of troubles.
  • Alcoholism.
  • Poor people.
  • A fetus.
  • Women in yogurt commercials.
  • Exactly what you'd expect.
  • Flesh-eating bacteria.
  • My genitals.
  • A balanced breakfast.
  • Dick Cheney.
  • Lockjaw.
  • Natural male enhancement.
  • Take-backsies.
  • Winking at old people.
  • Opposable thumbs.
  • Flying sex snakes.
  • Passive-aggressive Post-it notes.
  • Inappropriate yodeling.
  • Golden showers.
  • Racism.
  • Copping a feel.
  • Auschwitz.
  • Elderly Japanese men.
  • Raping and pillaging.
  • Kids with ass cancer.
  • Pictures of boobs.
  • The homosexual agenda.
  • A homoerotic volleyball montage.
  • Sexual tension.
  • Hurricane Katrina.
  • Fiery poops.
  • Science.
  • Dry heaving.
  • Cards Against Humanity.
  • Fancy Feast®.
  • A bleached asshole.
  • Lumberjack fantasies.
  • American Gladiators.
  • Autocannibalism.
  • Sean Connery.
  • William Shatner.
  • Domino's™ Oreo™ Dessert Pizza.
  • An asymmetric boob job.
  • Centaurs.
  • A micropenis.
  • Asians who aren't good at math.
  • The milk man.
  • Waterboarding.
  • Wifely duties.
  • Loose lips.
  • The Blood of Christ.
  • Actually taking candy from a baby.
  • The token minority.
  • Jibber-jabber.
  • A brain tumor.
  • Bingeing and purging.
  • A clandestine butt scratch.
  • The Chinese gymnastics team.
  • Prancing.
  • The Hamburglar.
  • Police brutality.
  • Man meat.
  • Forgetting the Alamo.
  • Eating the last known bison.
  • Crystal meth.
  • Booby-trapping the house to foil burglars.
  • My inner demons.
  • Third base.
  • Soiling oneself.
  • Laying an egg.
  • Giving 110%.
  • Hot people.
  • Friendly fire.
  • Count Chocula.
  • Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.
  • Estrogen.
  • My vagina.
  • Kanye West.
  • A robust mongoloid.
  • The Donald Trump Seal of Approval™.
  • The true meaning of Christmas.
  • Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II.
  • An honest cop with nothing left to lose.
  • Feeding Rosie O'Donnell.
  • The Amish.
  • The terrorists.
  • When you fart and a little bit comes out.
  • Pooping back and forth. Forever.
  • Friends who eat all the snacks.
  • Cockfights.
  • Bitches.
  • Seduction.

'Cards Against Humantiy' Expansion 1

Black Cards (Questions)

  • My plan for world domination begins with _.
  • The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to _.
  • Dear Sir or Madam, We regret to inform you that the Office of _ has denied your request for _.
  • In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room devoted to _.
  • Science will never explain _.
  • When all else fails, I can always masturbate to _.
  • I learned the hard way that you can't cheer up a grieving friend with _.
  • In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated _.
  • An international tribunal has found _ guilty of _.
  • The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to _ is a basic human right.
  • In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of _.
  • What's the gift that keeps on giving?
  • Next season on Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls must survive in the depths of the Amazon with only _ and his wits.
  • When I pooped, what came out of my butt?
  • In the distant future, historians will agree that _ marked the beginning of America's decline.
  • In a pinch, _ can be a suitable substitute for _.
  • What has been making life difficult at the nudist colony?
  • Michael Bay's new three-hour action epic pits _ against _.
  • And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for _.
  • What brought the orgy to a grinding halt?

White Cards (Answers)

  • A big black dick.
  • A beached whale.
  • A bloody pacifier.
  • A crappy little hand.
  • A low standard of living.
  • A nuanced critique.
  • Panty raids.
  • A passionate Latino lover.
  • A rival dojo.
  • A web of lies.
  • A woman scorned.
  • Clams.
  • Apologizing.
  • A plunger to the face.
  • Neil Patrick Harris.
  • Beating your wives.
  • Being a dinosaur.
  • Shaft.
  • Bosnian chicken farmers.
  • Nubile slave boys.
  • Carnies.
  • Coughing into a vagina.
  • Suicidal thoughts.
  • The ooze.
  • Deflowering the princess.
  • Dorito breath.
  • Eating an albino.
  • Enormous Scandinavian women.
  • Fabricating statistics.
  • Finding a skeleton.
  • Gandalf.
  • Genetically engineered super-soldiers.
  • George Clooney's musk.
  • Getting abducted by Peter Pan.
  • Getting in her pants, politely.
  • Gladiatorial combat.
  • Clenched butt cheeks.
  • Hipsters.
  • Historical revisionism.
  • Insatiable bloodlust.
  • Jafar.
  • Jean-Claude Van Damme.
  • Just the tip.
  • Mad hacky-sack skills.
  • Leveling up.
  • Literally eating shit.
  • making the penises kiss.
  • 24-hour media coverage.
  • Medieval Times© Dinner & Tournament.
  • Moral ambiguity.
  • My machete.
  • One thousand Slim Jims.
  • Ominous background music.
  • Overpowering your father.
  • Stockholm Syndrome.
  • Quiche.
  • Quivering jowls.
  • Revenge fucking.
  • Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart.
  • Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.
  • Santa Claus.
  • Scrotum tickling.
  • Sexual humiliation.
  • Sexy Siamese twins.
  • Saliva.
  • Space muffins.
  • Statistically validated stereotypes.
  • Sudden Poop Explosion Disease.
  • The boners of the elderly.
  • The economy.
  • Syphilitic insanity.
  • The Gulags.
  • The harsh light of day.
  • The hiccups.
  • The shambling corpse of Larry King.
  • The four arms of Vishnu.
  • Being a busy adult with many important things to do.
  • Tripping balls.
  • Words, words, words.
  • Zeus's sexual appetites.

'Cards Against Humanity' Expansion 2

Black Cards (Questions)

  • During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into _.
  • _ would be woefully incomplete without _.
  • My new favorite porn star is Joey "_" McGee.
  • Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with _.
  • This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for _.
  • In his newest and most difficult stunt, David Blaine must escape from _.
  • The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, _, and acceptance.
  • My mom freaked out when she looked at my browser history and found .com/.
  • I went from _ to _, all thanks to _.
  • Members of New York's social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience _.
  • This month's Cosmo: "Spice up your sex life by bringing _ into the bedroom."
  • Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and _.
  • If God didn't want us to enjoy _, he wouldn't have given us _.
  • My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of _.
  • After months of debate, the Occupy Wall Street General Assembly could only agree on "More _!"
  • I spent my whole life working toward _, only to have it ruined by _.
  • Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about _.
  • Only two things in life are certain: death and _.
  • Everyone down on the ground! We don't want to hurt anyone. We're just here for _.
  • The healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of _.
  • The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is _.
  • Charades was ruined for me forever when my mom had to act out _.
  • Before _, all we had was _.
  • Tonight on 20/20: What you don't know about _ could kill you.
  • You haven't truly lived until you've experienced _ and _ at the same time.

White Cards (Answers)

  • A bigger, blacker dick.
  • The mere concept of Applebee's®.
  • A sad fat dragon with no friends.
  • Catastrophic urethral trauma.
  • Hillary Clinton's death stare.
  • Existing.
  • A pinata full of scorpions.
  • Mooing.
  • Swiftly achieving orgasm.
  • Daddy's belt.
  • Double penetration.
  • Weapons-grade plutonium.
  • Some really fucked-up shit.
  • Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife.
  • Rising from the grave.
  • The mixing of the races.
  • Taking a man's eyes and balls out and putting his eyes where his balls go and then his balls in the eye holes.
  • Scrotal frostbite.
  • All of this blood.
  • Loki, the trickster god.
  • Whining like a little bitch.
  • Pumping out a baby every nine months.
  • Tongue.
  • Finding Waldo.
  • Upgrading homeless people to mobile hotspots.
  • Wearing an octopus for a hat.
  • An unhinged ferris wheel rolling toward the sea.
  • Living in a trashcan.
  • The corporations.
  • A magic hippie love cloud.
  • Fuck Mountain.
  • Survivor's guilt.
  • Me.
  • Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group.
  • Jeff Goldblum.
  • Making a friend.
  • A soulful rendition of "Ol' Man River."
  • Intimacy problems.
  • A sweath, panting leather daddy.
  • Spring break!
  • Being awesome at sex.
  • Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends."
  • Another shot of morphine.
  • Beefin' over turf.
  • A squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles.
  • Bullshit.
  • The Google.
  • Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game®.
  • The new Radiohead album.
  • An army of skeletons.
  • A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings.
  • Mild autism.
  • Nunchuck moves.
  • Whipping a disobedient slave.
  • An ether-soaked rag.
  • A sweet spaceship.
  • A 55-gallon drum of lube.
  • Special musical guest, Cher.
  • The human body.
  • Boris the Soviet Love Hammer.
  • The grey nutrient broth that sustains Mitt Romney.
  • Tiny nipples.
  • Power.
  • Oncoming traffic.
  • A dollop of sour cream.
  • A slightly shittier parallel universe.
  • My first kill.
  • Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content.
  • Fetal alcohol syndrome.
  • The day the birds attacked.
  • One Ring to rule them all.
  • Grandpa's ashes.
  • Basic human decency.
  • A Burmese tiger pit.
  • Death by Steven Seagal

'Cards Against Humanity' XMAS 2012 Expansion

Black Cards (Questions)

  • After blacking out during New year's Eve, I was awoken by _.
  • This holiday season, Tim Allen must overcome his fear of _ to save Christmas.
  • Jesus is _.
  • Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about _.
  • What keeps me warm during the cold, cold, winter?
  • On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves, and _.
  • Wake up, America. Christmas is under attack by seculare liberals and their _.

White Cards (Answers)

  • Santa's heavy sack.
  • Clearing a bloody path through Walmart with a scimitar.
  • Another shitty year.
  • Whatever Kwanzaa is supposed to be about.
  • A Christmas stocking full of coleslaw.
  • Elf cum.
  • The tiny, calloused hands of the Chinese children that made this card.
  • Taking down Santa witch a surface-to-air missile.
  • Socks.
  • Pretending to be happy.
  • Krampus, the Austrian Christmas monster.
  • The Star Wars Holiday Special.
  • My hot cousin.
  • Mall Santa.
  • Several intertwining love stories featuring Hugh Grant.
  • A Hungry-Man™ Frozen Christmas Dinner for one.
  • Gift-wrapping a live hamster.
  • Space Jam on VHS.
  • Immaculate conception.
  • Fucking up 'Silent Night' in front of 300 parents.
  • A visually arresting turtleneck.
  • A toxic family environment.

Grognards Expansion Pack

Black Cards (Questions)

White Cards (Answers)

Weeaboo Expansion Pack

Black Cards (Questions)

White Cards (Answers)

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