Effective-communication-at-work.md

Effective communication at work

Note: the takeaway i noted and highlight from the book, the format of text is different on the Kindle. Therefore, it may cause the errors on grammarly.

Part 1: Speak and Write Better at Work

Chapter 1: Why Communicating Well at Work Is Important

• Good communication helps us avoid misunderstandings and conflict and resolve them when they arise soft skills are personality traits that have to do with attitude and inclination. These are transferable skills that one can apply in a variety of situations .

• Communication is how we send and receive messages .

• Whether we are communicating verbally , nonverbally , or in written form , we are first attempting to clearly articulate and convey thoughts , feelings , and ideas . Our goal is to get our message across .

• The second part of the communications equation is receiving the message . This involves engaged or active listening , reading cues , or observing and confirming what we have heard . To determine whether the sending and receiving of messages has been effective , it is important to understand the goal of the communication itself .

• Effective communication is not just about sending clear messages and confirming that they are received --- it is about validating mutual understanding .

• To communicate effectively , we need to use all our senses to express , interpret , and comprehend meaning.

• Clear , straightforward communication fosters good working relationships and results in good staff morale and higher productivity .

• Poor communication can drive wedges between teams , negatively impact customer service and sales , and poison the corporate culture , resulting in lost productivity and high staff turnover .

• It is difficult to stay motivated and engaged if your management team does not value your opinion and you have no sense of how your work connects to the bigger picture .

• Good communicators are attentive to detail . They understand that words matter and that we convey meaning not only through word choice but also through the time , place , and medium by which we deliver those words .

• Becoming a good communicator takes practice .

• Introverts are often good listeners who need more time to consider and process ideas .

Chapter 2: Speaking Well at Work

• What you say , how you say it , and the words you choose leave a lasting impression on your customers , coworkers , and managers .

• At work , your ability to thoughtfully articulate your perspectives and opinions , share constructive feedback , and clearly present ideas and concepts will contribute to your success .

• What is the most efficient , best , and most appropriate way I can convey this information ?

• In our communications practice we use a simple model when we are crafting messages for client use . The 27 - 9 - 3 rule requires you to make your point in no more than 27 words , within a time frame no longer than nine seconds ( the average length of a media sound bite ) , and with no more than three messages or main points . The model is based on research in risk communication , building on the rule of three from Aristotle's Rhetoric , an ancient Greek treatise on the art of persuasion . If you apply this model to your spoken and written exchanges , you will find it a powerful tool for clear communication .

• Organize your thoughts and decide on your main messages . Do you have a beginning , middle , and end ? Try to present no more than three main points at a time .

Get to the point . Be concise and say exactly what you mean .

P's of public speaking . These are purpose , preparation , practice , passion , and presentation .

PURPOSE Before you dive into giving a speech or presentation , ask yourself the following questions : - What is / are my key message ( s ) ? - How does this message benefit my audience ? - What are the barriers to people accepting this message ? - In the end , what do I want my audience to do ?

• Quote: " I've learned that people will forget what you said , people will forget what you did , but people will never forget how you made them feel . "

• Inexperienced speakers feel they must keep talking at any cost .

A NOTE ABOUT NERVES

• When we experience fear , the body sends adrenaline into the system to provide us with the strength and energy we need to protect ourselves --- to fight , to flee , or to freeze . Adrenaline charges through the system and our bodies react . The key message here is that nervousness is only energy .

• High - stakes conversations may also concern the success or failure of the business or organization , such as conversations with investors , partners , or strategic alliances . Usually in these cases , the conversation is more formal and includes a presentation , pitch , or proposal . The skills you develop during interpersonal high - stakes conversations will also serve you in these instances .

• Be clear about the purpose of the conversation . What is the real issue ? Is there a desired outcome or specific resolution that you need ? Think about this in advance and be direct about addressing the actual issue .

• Don't make assumptions . Ask questions to clarify issues and confirm mutual understanding before coming to conclusions . Phrases like " Can you say a little more about that . . . " or " Did you mean . . . " can help you dig deeper .

Chapter 3: Writing Well at Work

• Good writing , whether long or short form , is clear , concise , coherent , and specific .

• When writing for business , ask yourself : How formal or informal is the correspondence ?

• Good writing requires discipline . This means concentration and focus , two things in short supply in the age of distractions .

• One of the advantages of written communication over face - to - face or telephone interaction is that it allows the receiver of the information time to contemplate and absorb the message before composing a reply .

• Keep it concise . Remember the 27 - 9 - 3 rule we discussed in chapter 2 ? It also applies to writing .

Chapter 4: Putting Writing and Speaking Skills to the Test

• Never run short of opportunities to practice speaking and writing skills in your day - to - day work . There will also be instances , either formal or informal , where asserting these skills can make a significant difference in your career trajectory .

HOW TO NEGOTIATE WELL - good section

• There are three main facets to the negotiation process . These are preparation , process , and conclusion .

• Preparation . Before entering the discussion , do your homework and research information relevant to your position . Clarify your goals and rationales . Give some thought to what is important to the other party .

• Process . Agree on the process , set ground rules , and determine the schedule for the negotiation . Clarify your position and what it is you want . Offer rationales and listen carefully to the other party's concerns . Practice active listening and offer feedback to confirm mutual understanding . Agree on a process for next steps , should you not agree on an outcome . It might be difficult , but it is very useful to hold a collaborative and solution - oriented perspective

• During this phase . Be objective and willing to change positions if it is beneficial .

• Conclusion . Whether there is an agreement or not , it is important to bring the negotiation to a close . Where there is agreement , be sure to record it in an appropriate way . If the negotiation is not going to result in the desired outcome , be prepared to walk away and go down gracefully . Unless the issue is very serious --- a termination discussion , for example --- there will be a tomorrow . You can agree to examine alternatives , revisit the issue after a set time period , or enter into a new process . Wherever possible , work to sustain the relationship .

• Consider all sides . Most successful negotiations are ones where all parties feel that they have won . To see where the other party is coming from , ask them about their needs and concerns . If you can , address these . If you can't , be up front about it , and agree to get back to them with proposed solutions .

• Practice active , engaged listening . Listen carefully to what you hear . Ask questions for clarity or to deepen your understanding of their position . Pay attention to body language and other nonverbal cues that might tell you how comfortable or uncomfortable the other party is with what you're proposing .

• Trusting yourself and knowing that you have a right to be heard and have an opinion will go a long way to helping you speak with confidence in any situation .

PART 2 Better Work Relationships

CHAPTER 5 AWARENESS OF SELF AND OTHERS

• Awareness allows us to tune in to what is happening in our inner dialogue as well as what is happening in the environment around us . This provides us with a higher level of social awareness as well as an emotional literacy whereby we can identify and process our own emotional states and empathize with others ' emotional states . Crucial to effective

• communication in and out of the workplace , awareness of self and others is a core leadership quality .

• In a way , self - awareness is like simultaneously appearing in a movie and watching it . Our minds and bodies are engaged , our senses are taking in and interpreting our environment , and we are reacting and responding . At the same time , there is a somewhat detached observer self who is monitoring our behavior , a part that is " watching " the movie .

• To quote Whitmore , " I am able to control only that of which I am aware . That of which I am unaware controls me . Awareness empowers me . "

Tips:

• Put the focus inside . Mindfulness is key to developing awareness .

• What information are you getting proprioceptively (physically , from the outside environment) and processing internally ? Acknowledge and name your thoughts and feelings.

• Manage distractions . When engaging with someone in person , mute and put away your phone and step away from your screens . Allow yourself to focus fully on conscious , intentional interaction . Be aware of who and what you bring into your energy and emotional field . Managing distractions is also important to your mindfulness practice . Set aside time away from screens and devices to connect with yourself .

• Consider your impact . Unless you are working completely remotely , your workplace is a shared environment . Be aware of the impact you have on others around you . Mute pings and notifications , keep your voice at a reasonable level when speaking out loud , and use earbuds or headphones if you are someone who needs to listen to music , podcasts , or the radio while working . In interpersonal interactions , notice how people respond to you . Are they drawn to you ? Do they move away ? Watch for verbal and nonverbal cues that reveal the impact you are having . A daily journal is a great tool to use to record what you notice .

Good example about self awareness:

I started working with a bright and highly motivated young manager I'll call Javeed shortly after he was promoted to lead a small team of four . He struggled with the change in rank from coworker to manager regarding directing his former peers . Javeed also felt his boss was rejecting his ideas and perceived his boss as generally negative , leading to frustration and anger . He was having trouble controlling his emotions . He was stressed and irritated much of the time , and although he was not aware of it , he was taking out his frustration with short - temperedness and overly criticizing his team . Through the coaching process , we established that Javeed needed to develop a greater awareness of his impact on others and of his emotional states and responses . Javeed was open to learning more about himself , willing to explore blind spots , and genuinely curious about how his emotions affected his ability to communicate and make decisions .

• Practice listening first . The next time you step into a meeting or the lunchroom , rather than launching right into the discussion , practice attentive listening . What is the emotional tone of casual conversation ? Who is being heard ? What nuances are you aware of ? How might these cues and nuances inform the way you communicate in this setting ?

CHAPTER 6 EMPATHY

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes and perceive their subjective experience .

People often confuse empathy with sympathy . Empathy is the ability to understand and share another's feelings , while sympathy involves feeling sorry for or pitying another .

When people feel heard and understood , they feel safe and become more receptive to other viewpoints , collaborative problem - solving , and risk - taking .

• Communication based on perception starts with sensory input . For example , " When I see , hear , taste , smell , touch . . . "

• We marry what we perceive with context --- what we know about one another and the circumstances as well as our own background and experience --- and we attribute meaning to what we perceive . This is our interpretation and would be framed this way : " I believe , think , imagine , judge , speculate . . . " It does not start with " I feel . . . " Feelings develop based on proprioceptive input ( perception ) and interpretation .

HOW'S YOUR TONE ?

Consider the difference in tone in these three sentences : 

1 . " I suggest we continue with the project as outlined . "

2 . " Continue with the project as outlined . " 

3 . " Continue with the project as outlined , please . "

Sentence 1 implies that there is some room for questioning , while sentence 2 is a directive . Despite including a polite please at the end , sentence 3 could be construed as sarcastic depending on your relationship with the sender or the circumstances surrounding the project .

Best Practices for Greater Empathy

Put yourself in the others ' shoes . Even if you have no direct experience of their situation , try to imagine yourself in their position and consciously take their perspective . Practice nonjudgment . Notice when your thoughts take a judgmental turn . Try to put your judgment aside and stay open . Explore your own emotional range . Take note of your relative comfort or discomfort with emotional expression and begin naming and identifying what you are feeling . Remember that thoughts and feelings are different . Be fully present and listen actively . Put away your smartphone . Practice self - awareness and attune to your inner dialogue and proprioceptive responses . Take opportunities to " step outside yourself . " Try to look at situations and interactions objectively and learn to read the room .

CHAPTER 7 CONNECTING WITH OTHERS

• Maslow's theory on the hierarchy of needs suggests that a basic set of human needs motivates people call " the longing for belonging . "

• To truly feel loved , accepted , and respected , we must connect in an authentic way with other human beings . If you think of your workplace as a community , there are several ways to foster a sense of connection among colleagues .

• Practice deep democracy . Deep democracy is a process work framework , developed by psychologist Arny Mindell . It suggests that all voices and opinions matter , even the unpopular ones . Value diverse opinions and acknowledge risk - taking .

• Share goals , values , and purpose . Connection is not only about other people , it is also about shared purpose , values , and goals . Be transparent with colleagues and coworkers about what motivates you , what you value , and why . Explore their values . Find common ground .

Foundations of Connection

• Foundational to establishing good connection are trust - building characteristics like integrity , mutual respect , curiosity , open - mindedness , humility , and a willingness to be vulnerable with others . Developing your skill in the areas of collaboration , cooperation , active listening , and self - awareness will all contribute to creating and maintaining connections .

RESPECT

• Respect means treating people the way you wish to be treated . The foundation of respect is a belief that other people have the right to be treated with dignity and that their rights , opinions , and experience matter .

• Practice good listening skills by giving your attention to others first before expressing your own ideas and avoid interrupting while they speak . - Acknowledge the contributions of others . Offer corrective feedback in private and praise in public . - Avoid nitpicking . Everyone makes mistakes . Learn to tolerate imperfection ( your own and others ' ) . - Never name - call , insult , belittle , demean , or patronize a coworker or their ideas . These behaviors are the opposite of respect and over time can constitute bullying . - Be inclusive and invite coworkers to participate in meetings , events , committees , volunteer opportunities , and social outings as appropriate . Do not marginalize or leave people out . - Be aware of tone of voice , body language , and your overall demeanor in interactions .

HUMILITY

• The essence of humility is truth. People who can admit to their mistakes , ask questions when they are doubtful , and embrace the notion of duality are more apt to make strong connections.

VULNERABILITY

• Finding Common Ground. Beyond establishing connection , building empathy , and helping overcome cultural or social differences , finding common ground is key to doing our best work .

• Eliminate either / or thinking . Try taking a " Yes , and . . . " position rather than a " No , but . . . " stance .

Ownership , Accountability , and Apologizing

• Taking ownership and having personal accountability are two cornerstones of what I call uber - maturity ( which has nothing to do with the popular ride - hailing service ; I am using it as we do the word super in English ) . Uber - maturity requires us to take 100 % responsibility for our experiences .

• Self - responsibility is one of the most powerful assets you can develop , one that ultimately frees you from perceiving yourself or anyone else as a victim of circumstances .

• Apologizing effectively is not easy . It requires us to take full ownership of our actions and to approach the interaction with humility and sincere intention . Knowing when to apologize can also be tricky . A good rule of thumb is if you suspect that something you did , either by accident or on purpose , hurt someone's feelings or negatively impacted or interfered with their work , apologize and clean it up .

Best Practices for Better Connection

• Practice empathy . Be willing to take the perspective of others and identify with their thoughts and feelings . Communicate your understanding and awareness .

Excellend words:

Model respect . Be respectful of the thoughts and ideas of others and treat people the way you would like to be treated . Ask questions . Become curious about the opinions , point of view , and perspectives of your coworkers and colleagues . Seek understanding and clarity around social or cultural differences . Act with integrity . Be your word and follow through on promises . The adage " actions speak louder than words " is especially true when building trust . Take ownership . If you've made a mistake , say so , and take responsibility for the outcome . Apologize if you are in the wrong and make amends or offer redress if possible . Remember that you are 100 % responsible for your experiences . Seek common ground . Look for commonalities rather than differences , particularly when the stakes are high or uncertainty prevails . Be open to personal growth . Expand your self - awareness . Practice mindfulness and seek opportunities for self - discovery . Everyone has blind spots . Be open to getting feedback about yours and willing to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses and adjust for them . Acknowledge others . Validate the experience and success of others , both publicly and privately . Catch your colleagues and coworkers doing things right !

Chapter 8: The Importance of Listening Well

• Good listening is active , requiring a decision on our part to pay attention to what is said rather than passively hearing what is said .

• Listening well requires a commitment on our part to be self - aware , minimize internal dialogue and distractions , and engage with the speaker to validate our understanding of what they are trying to communicate .

• The goal of effective communication is mutual understanding .

• Good listeners avoid leaping into the conversation with advice before one asks for it or solving problems before they fully understand them .

• Skillful listeners engage with the speaker , offering genuine interest and curiosity about not only the subject matter , but also the speaker's perspectives , feelings , opinions , and insights .

• They don't interrupt , letting you finish your thoughts before offering their feedback or opinion . - They repeat back what they are hearing in their own words , checking out their interpretation . For example , a good listener might say , " Are you saying . . . ? " or " Do you mean . . . ? " - When you are finished speaking , they ask questions for clarification or open - ended questions to expand the conversation further .

Common Listening Blocks

There are many obstacles that can stand in the way of good listening . Naturally , environment is a factor .

Comparing . Assessing who is smarter , brighter , or better and reflecting on your own ( better / worse ) viewpoint , opinion , or situation while the other person is communicating theirs . Comparing is often rooted in a lack of self - esteem , or fear of others viewing you as " less than . "

Judging . Negatively evaluating and drawing conclusions based on personal bias or preconceived ideas and " writing off " the message before you fully comprehend it .

Dreaming . Something that is said reminds you of something else in your experience , and you enter a strange , dreamlike world . . . appearing to listen but actually engaged in making a shopping list , recalling your childhood , or thinking about what you're going to have for lunch .

Anticipating . We can refer to this as " always already listening , " as coined by the Landmark Forum , or as mind reading.

MINIMIZING DISTRACTIONS AND INTERRUPTIONS

" When people are constantly interrupted , they develop a

mode of working faster ( and writing less ) to compensate for the time they know they will lose by being interrupted . Yet working faster with interruptions has its cost : people in the interrupted conditions experienced a higher workload , more stress , higher frustration , more time pressure , and effort . "

Here are some tips to help you reduce workplace distractions : 

1 . Mute notifications and alerts on your phone or other devices .

2 . Restrict checking personal social media feeds , chats , or text messages to scheduled breaks . 

3 . Be mindful of the volume and duration of the office conversations you take part in within the earshot of your coworkers . They also are trying to concentrate .

Best Practices for Better Listening

• Minimize distractions . Mute your phone and step away from screens . Set aside time for the interaction , particularly if the stakes are high or the subject is complex or sensitive .

• Reserve judgment . Hear the other person out and set aside your judgment or opinion until they are finished speaking --- be aware of your own listening bias .

• Ask clarifying questions . Paraphrase and repeat what you heard and ask questions to clarify areas where you aren't sure you clearly understood what someone said .

• Demonstrate your engagement . Let the speaker know you are paying attention through nonverbal cues such as smiling , nodding , and leaning forward .

• Validate understanding . Use the communication model from chapter 6 --- check out your perceptions ( what you think you heard ) to confirm your understanding of the communication's meaning and intent . A simple way to use the model is : " What I heard you say was . . . " followed by " Did you say . . . ? "

• Self - manage . Develop awareness of your biases , predispositions , and triggers and learn to manage them in conversations . Practice . Take opportunities to practice listening skills , especially with those where you notice there are blocks . Over time you will become a better listener .

Chapter 9: Putting Relationship Skills to the Test

• Unaddressed conflict festers , poisoning the work environment and spreading toxicity and anxiety .

• Effective resolutions also require us to take ownership of our part of the disagreement . Which of our attitudes , behaviors , or actions contributed to the conflict ? This requires a high level of maturity and self - awareness .

• Take a calm approach . Emotion - laden responses don't help de - escalate a conflict . While it is important to honor your feelings and those of others ,

• Practice active listening . Pay attention to what is said and be aware of both verbal and nonverbal cues . Withhold judgment and try to see the other's point of view . Ask questions for clarity and practice the communication model to validate interpretations .

• Focus on forward action . As you move toward resolution , it is important to focus on the future . How will things change because of this interaction ? To what are you both willing to commit ?

• Be discreet . While it is perfectly acceptable to discuss interpersonal issues with trusted friends and advisors , do not use the conflict to encourage coworkers to take sides or to create camps in the workplace . Avoid spreading negativity and gossip . This is toxic behavior .

Giving and Receiving Criticism

• " inadvertently create blind spots so we can hold onto our version of reality , our beliefs about ourselves and the world in which we live . Scotomas cause us to see what we expect to see , hear what we expect to hear , and experience what we expect to experience . "

• Good , constructive feedback aims to improve , correct , and support professional performance .

• If you are the one receiving feedback , it is fair for you to ask questions like the ones listed , only rephrased such as : " May I offer my thoughts , reactions , perspective , ideas . . . ? "

• " people want corrective feedback , even more than praise , if it's provided in a constructive manner . By roughly a three to one margin , they believe it does even more to improve their performance than positive feedback . "

• Good , constructive feedback is not personal , and it's important not to take it that way.

• Compare the way the focus changes in this example : From : " You made many mistakes in the last newsletter . " To : " There were many mistakes in the last newsletter."

THE ART OF UNPLUGGING

• Just for fun , spend a week monitoring your screen time . How much of that time do you spend doing deep work , focusing on the essential projects or people in your work or life?

• We don't yet fully understand the emotional , physical , and psychological effects of a continually online presence , but we know that we are human and as such need rest , recreation , personal connection , and time in our lives to pause and reflect .

• Set boundaries . Think about your work style and rhythms as well as your family and social obligations . Set up your online time to be optimal for productivity as well as to accommodate your personal needs .

• Respect boundaries . It may work for you to send e - mails or instant messages early in the morning or late at night , but it may not work for your colleagues . If they have set boundaries to divide their personal and work time , respect them .

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN GROUPS

• John C . Maxwell : " Leadership is not about titles , positions , or flowcharts . It is about one life influencing another . "

• Think about your role as part of a team at work , whether formally or informally . A good leader is primarily a good listener .

• It is natural in a group setting for individuals to want to express their ideas and views and make personal contributions .

• Leaders hear what people are saying , reflect it back , and synthesize the information .

LEAD THE WAY WITH EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

• Empathy , not ego . Whenever possible , set your ego aside and try to see the other's perspective . Whether you are de - escalating a conflict , collaborating on ideas , or crafting a presentation , put yourself in the other's shoes . Approach others with respect , humility , and vulnerability .

• Check your assumptions . It is easy to assume that we understand others or that they see us clearly . Practice active listening , be curious , ask questions , and use the communication model from chapter 6 to validate interpretations . Base your responses and actions on facts , not conjecture . Remember that we all have biases and unique cultural , generational , and social lenses .