backport: merge bitcoin#21148, #21327, #23970, #24021, #24543, #26844, #25325, #28165, partial bitcoin#20524, #26036, #27981 (networking backports: part 7)

backport: merge bitcoin#21148, #21327, #23970, #24021, #24543, #26844, #25325, #28165, partial bitcoin#20524, #26036, #27981 (networking backports: part 7) #553