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cell.bash.php
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cell.bash.php
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<?php $bash = array(
"Donut[AFK]: HEY EURAKARTE<br>
Donut[AFK]: INSULT<br>
Eurakarte: RETORT<br>
Donut[AFK]: COUNTER-RETORT<br>
Eurakarte: QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE<br>
Donut[AFK]: SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP<br>
Eurakarte: NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM<br>
Donut[AFK]: RIPOSTE<br>
Donut[AFK]: ADDON RIPOSTE<br>
Eurakarte: COUNTER-RIPOSTE<br>
Donut[AFK]: COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE<br>
Eurakarte: NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON<br>
Miles_Prower: RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES<br>
Eurakarte: WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD<br>
Miles_Prower: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS",
"erno: hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.",
"t0rbad: so there i was in this hallway right<br>
BlackAdder: i believe i speak for all of us when i say...<br>
BlackAdder: WRONG BTICH<br>
BlackAdder: IM SICK OF YOU<br>
BlackAdder: AND YOUR LAME STORIES<br>
BlackAdder: NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY<br>
BlackAdder: NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES<br>
BlackAdder: IN FACT<br>
BlackAdder: IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW<br>
BlackAdder: I DON\"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE<br>
BlackAdder: SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG<br>
<span class=\"light\">*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*<br>
*** BlackAdder has been kicked by t0rbad ( )</span><br>
t0rbad: so there i was in this hallway right<br>
CRCError: right<br>
heartless: Right.<br>
r3v: right",
"Zybl0re: get up<br>
Zybl0re: get on up<br>
Zybl0re: get up<br>
Zybl0re: get on up<br>
phxl|paper: and DANCE<br>
<span class=\"light\">* nmp3bot dances :D-<br>
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<br>
* nmp3bot dances :D/-</span><br>
[SA]HatfulOfHollow: i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet",
"Cthon98: hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars<br>
Cthon98: ********* see!<br>
AzureDiamond: hunter2<br>
AzureDiamond: doesnt look like stars to me<br>
Cthon98: AzureDiamond: *******<br>
Cthon98: thats what I see<br>
AzureDiamond: oh, really?<br>
Cthon98: Absolutely<br>
AzureDiamond: you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2<br>
AzureDiamond: haha, does that look funny to you?<br>
Cthon98: lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******<br>
AzureDiamond: thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that<br>
Cthon98: yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******<br>
AzureDiamond: awesome!<br>
AzureDiamond: wait, how do you know my pw?<br>
Cthon98: er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw<br>
AzureDiamond: oh, ok.",
"tatclass: YOU ALL SUCK DICK<br>
tatclass: er.<br>
tatclass: hi.<br>
andy\code: A common typo.<br>
tatclass: the keys are like right next to each other.",
"Guo_Si: Hey, you know what sucks?<br>
TheXPhial: vaccuums<br>
Guo_Si: Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?<br>
TheXPhial: black holes<br>
Guo_Si: Hey, you know what just isn't cool?<br>
TheXPhial: lava?",
"DeadMansHand: haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk<br>
DeadMansHand: we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first<br>
DeadMansHand: took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out<br>
DeadMansHand: i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh<br>
DeadMansHand: What'd he say when he woke up this morning?<br>
Thirteen-: uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?<br>
DeadMansHand: holy fuck.<br>
DeadMansHand: i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now<br>
DeadMansHand: im fucking going back to the beach to make sure<br>
DeadMansHand: if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this<br>
Thirteen-: will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.<br>
<span class=\"light\">quit: (DeadMansHand)</span><br>
Tyran: wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day<br>
Thirteen-: haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts<br>
<span class=\"light\">join: (PeteRepeat) ([email protected])</span><br>
PeteRepeat: fucking ken<br>
PeteRepeat: ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot<br>
quiqsilver: pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.<br>
PeteRepeat: oh fuck.<br>
PeteRepeat: if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.<br>
<span class=\"light\">quit: (PeteRepeat)</span><br>
Thirteen-: rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.<br>
Tyran: i can't beleive how perfect their timing was",
"anamexis: oh man<br>
anamexis: I was opening a coke, right<br>
<span class=\"light\">--: Beefpile ([email protected]) has joined #themacmind</span><br>
anamexis: and it exploded<br>
anamexis: ALMOST all over my keyboard<br>
anamexis: but I got it away just in time<br>
<span class=\"light\">-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)</span><br>
anamexis: :",
"DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.",
"<span class=\"light\">* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm being an asshole -</span><br>
ab: HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS",
"Khassaki: HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!<br>
Judge-Mental: try pressing the the Caps Lock key<br>
Khassaki: O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!<br>
Judge-Mental: fuck me",
"mage: what should I give sister for unzipping?<br>
Kevyn: Um. Ten bucks?<br>
mage: no I mean like, WinZip?",
"Ben174: If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.<br>
ChrisLMB: If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.<br>
Ben174: Where u work?<br>
ChrisLMB: I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com<br>
<span class=\"light\">*** Ben174 ([email protected]) Quit (Leaving)</span>",
"T-Wolf: man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert<br>
RdAwG20: you don't live in Hope mills do you?<br>
T-Wolf: ya, why man?<br>
RdAwG20: lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?<br>
T-Wolf: you mother fucker",
"Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me<br>
GarbageStan23: why?<br>
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.<br>
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!<br>
GarbageStan23: oh shit!<br>
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever<br>
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....<br>
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...",
"xterm: The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?",
"death09: my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed<br>
ktp753: ouch.<br>
death09: yeah.i sent them to her dad",
"<span class=\"light\">*** Now talking in #christian<br>
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info</span><br>
Abstruse: !kjv numbers 22:21<br>
Word_of_God: Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)<br>
<span class=\"light\">*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au<br>
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)</span><br>
Abstruse: I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...",
"JonTG: Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z<br>
JonTG: wait, shit",
"jeebus: the \"bishop\" came to our church today<br>
jeebus: he was a fucken impostor<br>
jeebus: never once moved diagonally",
"NES: lol<br>
NES: I download something from Napster<br>
NES: And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done<br>
NES: I message him and say \"What are you doing? I just got that from you\"<br>
NES: \"getting my song back fucker\"",
"Th3No0b: Im going to be the next hitler<br>
Th3No0b: Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown<br>
RageAgainsttheAmish: why the clown<br>
Th3No0b: See? no one cares about the jews<br>
RageAgainsttheAmish: lmao",
"Jeedo: hey baby, whats up?<br>
Indidge: umm....nothing?<br>
Jeedo: So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?<br>
Indidge: Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?<br>
Jeedo: Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/",
"MooseOnDaLoose: Hey Mike<br>
goatboy: what?<br>
MooseOnDaLoose: Pussy.<br>
goatboy: er?<br>
MooseOnDaLoose: Pussy.<br>
goatboy: and?<br>
MooseOnDaLoose: Pussy.<br>
goatboy: ...<br>
MooseOnDaLoose: Pussy.<br>
goatboy: i dont get it<br>
MooseOnDaLoose: AND YOU NEVER WILL.<br>
goatboy: bastard",
"kow`: \"There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't.\"<br>
SpaceRain: That's only 2 types of people, kow.<br>
SpaceRain: STUPID",
"Night-hen-gayle: I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.",
"Eticam: I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm<br>
Eticam: And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then<br>
Eticam: When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass<br>
Eticam: Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat<br>
Eticam: The girl started crying and left class ^^",
"AgentSmith: It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias \"Randerson\"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...<br>
AgentSmith: One of these...has a future.<br>
Randerson: LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this<br>
AgentSmith: How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?<br>
<span class=\"light\">*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m</span>",
"Sonium: someone speak python here?<br>
lucky: HHHHHSSSSSHSSS<br>
lucky: SSSSS<br>
Sonium: the programming language",
"Reverend: IRC is just multiplayer notepad.",
"<span class=\"light\">*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud'<br>
* Anubis has joined #doghouse</span><br>
Anubis: what fraud?<br>
Kadmium: You haven't heard about it?<br>
Anubis: no?<br>
Kadmium: You can read the full story at <a href=\"http://www.tubgirl.com\">http://www.tubgirl.com</a><br>
Anubis: omg wtf!<br>
<span class=\"light\">*** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud'</span>",
"Sui88: 67% of girls are stupid<br>
V-girl: i belong with the other 13%",
"h|tler: HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????",
"LordChewy: so my dad found my porn folder<br>
LordChewy: and he was getting all pissed<br>
LordChewy: so its all like \"does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know\"<br>
LordChewy: \"i know dad\"<br>
LordChewy: \"what do you have to say for yourself?\"<br>
LordChewy: at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say \"C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes\"<br>
LordChewy: and he just shut up<br>
kingKahn: what is it?<br>
LordChewy: its his porn folder",
"[BAC]Draxon|TWL: \"The animals will hear!\" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her festering cunt.<br>
[BAC]Draxon|TWL: oops<br>
[BAC]Draxon|TWL: wrong window<br>
d|syztem: what the FUCK",
"Batty: Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.<br>
zeep: rapc?<br>
Batty: ...<br>
Batty: Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end<br>
zeep: oic<br>
Batty: Though you could also say it's missing an e<br>
zeep: wtf is erap?<br>
<span class=\"light\">* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall</span>",
"reo4k: just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc<br>
<span class=\"light\">* luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven)<br>
* r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven)<br>
* sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven)<br>
* phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven)<br>
* blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven)</span><br>
ibaN`reo4k[ex]: that's gotta hurt<br>
r`heaven :(",
"kylev: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA<br>
kylev: hahahahaha<br>
kylev: some girl just came onto our floor<br>
kylev: and was yelling \"sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper\"<br>
kylev: i just asked her what the paper was about<br>
kylev: and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism<br>
`Neo: bahahahaha",
"Beeth: Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.<br>
honx: well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P",
"@Chin^: My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert<br>
@Chin^: just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating<br>
@Chin^: So she calls me a pervert again?!?<br>
@Chin^: there is no justice in the world...",
"Fashykekes: Capitalization is the difference between \"I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse..\" and \"I had to help my uncle jack off a horse..\"",
"Mootar: these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless<br>
Mootar: they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network<br>
Mootar: unfortunatly, the connection works both ways<br>
Mootar: long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer",
"Mendo: lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it<br>
spitfire: haha mendo<br>
spitfire: take a screen shot<br>
spitfire: wait<br>
spitfire: that made no sense"
); ?>